It Hurts

My past came to visit me.
It asked how I was—like it actually gave a damn who I was and how I was doing.
The truth? I didn’t care at that time either.

Despite how destitute and wanting I was, I was comfortable.
Real smiles. Real laughs. Real work.
Real life being lived—
all while enormous, unchecked pain and trauma sat beneath it.

I had visions and ambitions for more,
but I didn’t yet realize the more I needed was me.
The me that God gave when He gave me life.

The me that enhanced the things,
not the me who was enhanced by the things.
The me that held value because I am,
not because of what I had.
The me who listened to me, loved me,
acknowledged me, saw me.
The me who knew I needed help.

But the help hurt.

It wasn’t shallow help.
It was the kind of help that mirrored not just my exterior,
but my interior.
The kind of help that said:
“Reset. Start over.”
The help that birthed true repentance—
not a feel-good version, but that real repentance,
that OG metanoia.

I know the internet sensationalizes it,
but contrary to the narrative, healing… hurts.

It hurt—
to see my insufficiency.
to face my childhood trauma.
to uncover my overlooked pain.
to confront the lies I told myself.
to witness how poorly I treated myself.
to realize how poorly I allowed others to treat me.
to see how poorly I treated others.
to see my need to forgive—and be forgiven.
to see how much of my potential I ignored.
to see how fear held me back.
to see how insecurity halted my healing.
to face how much I had to unlearn,
and how much more I had to learn.
to accept the change healing required.
to release what healing demanded I let go.
to step into discomfort I had always avoided.
to wake from nightmares I once called dreams.
to recognize foes I once called friends.
to finally see—
when all along I thought I already saw.

It hurt to heal.
But healing…
stopped the hurt.

Suffering is a needed and necessary part of life—absolute, at least in my experience.
But not all suffering belongs in that category.
Upbringing, culture, and other people’s ideas of you are not reasons you should suffer unnecessarily.

It is not only okay—it is absolutely necessary—
to do what you must to be better.

It hurts to heal sometimes.
But it helps… even more.

Let’s Talk About It…

What’s one truth about yourself you’ve been avoiding because you know it’ll sting to face?
Do you think you’re carrying pain that actually came from other people’s expectations, not your own life?
If healing hurts at first but helps in the long run, what uncomfortable step do you think you might need to take right now?